Vegetable Pot Pie Cupcakes

Last time I was in Mount Shasta, I was prattling on to Sophia about all the cupcakes I made recently. When I got to vegetable pot pie cupcakes, Sophia asked what made them cupcakes and not mini pot pies...

...

Because cupcakes go up to eleven.

I first discovered the pot pie cupcakes on Tablespoon. That recipe calls for Pillsbury Grands! biscuits, but I didn’t want to buy dough if I could find all the ingredients around my house already. I had all this fucking leftover buttermilk from the pink lemonade cupcakes, so the obvious choice was making buttermilk biscuits. I used the Brown Eyed Baker’s buttermilk biscuit recipe since I had so much success with her Irish Car Bombs, only I used whole wheat flour instead of all-purpose. In the biscuits, not the car bombs (holy shit). Once the biscuit ingredients were Cuisinarted, it went straight from the food processor to a greased muffin tin, where I squished the dough to the bottoms and sides of the cups with my fingers.

Then I stuck the muffin tins in the refrigerator, because we get ants in the summer time and I didn’t want to find out the hard way how quickly they’d discover the dough, and pondered what I’d fill them with.

The original recipe was for chicken pot pie cupcakes. I’m a vegetarian so that wasn’t going to fly (hahaha chickens don’t fly anyway). And don’t get me wrong: I don’t have anything against textured vegetable protein. I totally would have incorporated some soy product parading as chicken flesh. I would have even used chickpeas like Vegan Dad suggested. It’s just that in a world where pajama pants aren’t acceptable public attire (depending on who you ask) and, moreover, roller skates aren’t allowed in grocery stores, I didn’t want to leave the house if I could help it. Therefore I was limited by when I could scavenge from the refrigerator, freezer, and corresponding pantries.

Here’s what I ended up using:

• 1 t thyme
• 1 t oregano
• ¼ t tarragon
• A few shakes of garlic powder
• A generous pinch of salt
• Three egg yolks (a byproduct of the pink lemonade cupcakes, which called for egg whites)
• 1ish cup stock made from vegetable Better Then Bullion
• A cup of nonfat milk
• An onion the size of a baby’s head. (Actually, I only used ¼ of the baby’s head.)

  

  baby head

• 2 smallish potatoes of questionable quality
• 6ish frozen okra

  

  okra

• A little more than 2/3 of a cup of frozen peas
• A little less than 2/3 of a cup of frozen corn
• A little more than ½ of a cup of dehydrated mushrooms

  

  What kind? Beats me.
  But if you stare into it long enough,
  it’ll tell you your future.

• Marinated artichoke hearts (not mixed in with the rest of the ingredients; added one on top of most of them before I put them in the oven)

I prepared and combined the ingredients for the filling and distributed them into the biscuits-cups (which had risen a little while they were sitting in the fridge, but I squished them back down: opposable thumbs are a beautiful thing). I thought I was doing The Right Thing when I added extra filling-liquid to each one, but then after I put them into the oven I smelled something burning and realized I was WAY wrong.

I opened the oven door to see liquid pooling on the surface area of the muffin tins and spilling over the sides, the drips becoming solid when they hit the oven floor. I watched this for a few seconds before putting a cookie sheet underneath the dripping tins. I thought to myself that I’d have to make them more carefully on a later occasion in order to make them all internet-pretty.

The dish has what filling didn’t get used.
Also, in case you were wondering: 425 degrees F for 25-30 minutes.

But in a world where I can’t roller skate in my local grocery store without immediate legal repercussions and pajama pants are only partially socially acceptable public attire: fuck the internet and fuck pretty. These pot pies cupcakes are a good idea. Good enough that I’ll probably remake them on a later occasion. But for now, I’m just going to tell you what I would have done differently and what went up to eleven.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY:

• I would have sautéed the onion first. In fact, I would have sautéed the onion with celery.
• I’m pretty sure the potatoes weren’t done.
• I would have used less liquid (½ cup stock, ½ cup milk).
• I would have mixed in some cornstarch for thickening.
• I would have used whole eggs
• I would have tried chickpeas. Because I’m curious.
• I would have roasted one or two whole cloves of garlic in an open fry pan, cut them up and added them. That wouldn’t be a bad idea.

It was right out of the oven, so I guess you could say
it was a “hot mess”.

WHAT WENT/GOES UP TO ELEVEN:

• These cupcakes proved to me that (marinated artichoke hearts) + (the oven) = always a good idea unless it’s, like, cheesecake. I remembered this the next time I made pizza cupcakes, and they were AMAZING.

  

  Pizza cupcakes with artichoke hearts.
  Epic as fuck.

• Peas and corn. Fuck yeah.
• It took some of the buttermilk off of my hands (Brown Eyed Baker rules!).
• Pot pie cupcakes are adjustable. You can put in whatever you want, within reason.

Pot pie cupcakes, awwww yeah...

MORE THINGS THAT GO UP TO ELEVEN:

• Public libraries
• Making lists
• Roller skating in grocery stores (...in theory)
• Roller skating in public libraries
• Opposable thumbs
• Finding the inner cupcake of all things