How to write a research paper:

1. Eat a whole package of Newman-O's.
2. Watch a million episodes of How I Met Your Mother until you fall asleep.
3. Go to work.
4. Come home.
5. Write a blog post that consists only of the sentence: "I love research papers like I love parvo outbreaks."
6. Erase the blog post before you post it because you know it's not true.
7. Drink a Rock Star.
8. Play Tetris.
9. Nap.
10. Lament going back to college.
11. Throw together a marginally coherent body of text that only falls 1-2 pages short of the required minimum.
12. Turn it in.
13. Go to Sophia's house and listen to her and her husband talk about history.